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  • Donna Marks

F*O*L*O - Fear Of Losing Others


Does Making MY Boundaries make me a B*i*t*c *h - If So, Soz NOT SOZ….


Time and energy are my two of the most valuable resources I have every day.


Although it is difficult to put a price tag on these two possessions, I would have to say that their value is far greater than most realise because, it is the proper application of these two resources that allows us to create an abundance of other great possessions in our lives ie money, fulfillment, success, gratitude, etc.


I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I’ve been struggling a bit with feeling as though I am constantly running out of time and energy when it comes to the pursuit of my never-ending goals and aspirations.


This realisation really hit home this past week when I found myself dropping everything for one in particular client. Now when I was onboarding this particular client I had been ill with a virus that had me flattened for nearly 3 weeks and still at the 5 weeks after mark I am still not myself and to top it off I lost my step father from cancer during this time.


Now, this particular client messaged me up to 5 times a day on top of say 3-4 emails and seriously it ripped my soul out; I had no energy left to work for my other beautiful client’s work at a 100% capacity. Unfortunately, this client got under my radar when I least expected it. I have no one to blame but myself for this predicament as I didn’t take my usual onboarding routine. I allowed her to chase me on the weekend, answered text and messages late at night and so on – you get the gist.


So what I am saying is that if you ever find yourself in a similar situation of battling a lack of energy or feeling as though you never have enough time for the activities that bring you joy; there’s a good chance that you too have allowed your personal boundaries to become weak, or you haven’t set solid boundaries to begin with. While these things might not sound like boundary issues, they are. When we don’t set boundaries to protect that time and energy, we suffer from exhaustion, exasperation and unfulfillment.


Not having rock-solid boundaries can have a devastating effect on our psyche, (they literally sucked all my creativity out of me), and yet despite this; establishing boundaries can be so difficult for so many of us. Why is this? Why do we have such a difficult time when it comes to protecting ourselves from the time and energy thieves? For most of us, the difficulty lies in our desire to please others and not be perceived as selfish or worse–a b-i-t-c-h.


I get it, I really do. I want people to like me too. However, in the big scheme of things, there is really only a handful of people whose opinions really matter to me. This doesn’t mean that I am out to tick everyone else off it simply means that I need to set boundaries as to how much time and energy I expend on projects and people who don’t encourage me to be better or help me to further my goals.


As I have grown as a person and in my career, I have become aligned with new and different people at different times. Most of the time, these relationships are mutually beneficial. Sometimes however; I’ll come across someone who seems genuinely nice and is very intent on getting close to me, but for some reason, my gut sounds an alarm. I’m not perfect at recognising the warnings that my intuition sends, but I’m getting better at it because I have learned some hard lessons in the past from times that I ignored that nudge.


In time, people’s true motivations always reveal themselves, but if you sense a catch in your spirit about someone, keep your boundaries firmly in place until such time as the person truly earns their way into your priority circle. I’m learning that my hunches are rarely wrong, and that those solid boundaries that I have built, end up saving me a lot of wasted time and energy.


While boundary setting can feel a bit uncomfortable at first for those of us who tend to be “people pleasers” by nature; it is an absolutely vital component to our overall well being.


Instead of getting myself better and thinking about my poor old Dad, I was consumed by the emotion and frustration of being onside with this client who I gladly told “Sorry, I don’t think we are on the same page and perhaps you should find someone that is” – but not Sorry.


On that day, I was like a new person, that one person clouding my otherwise on point judgement, second guessed me, wore me down, wasn’t even a distant memory and I had 2 new clients onboarded within a matter of hours. The clients I want to let into my circle of priority and the ones that are my ideal clientele.


"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others”. ~ Brene Brown


So set boundaries, and live by them, don’t shift them for anyone unless of course they fit into your circle of priority. Even then, make sure you are happy doing it, don't let it destroy your soul in the process X

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