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  • Donna Marks

The Art of Not Being a People Pleaser!

You feel the heat in your veins, a lump in your throat as your work mates watch you closely as they expect an answer from you. They are expecting you to comply. Every living organism in your body wants to scream "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” but as if you are possessed you automatically smile and not only say “Yes, I’ll do that” you say it so sweetly that it is actually convincing. Sound familiar?


So, WTF is going on, why is it that we can’t say “No” and walk away?


If you are like I was, people pleasing can run havoc in your life. It can crush your spirit repeatedly. Have you ever felt like it has hit you in the stomach and dragged you through the dirt. It might have also contributed to issues in your life like anxiety or depression or drinking way too much wine.


So what exactly is people pleasing… and how can we heal ourselves? Why Being “Too Nice” can be dangerous!


Inevitably, wanting to be loved and needed by others all the time results in suppressing tons of uncomfortable emotions. I’m talking rage, hatred, bitterness, annoyance and stress – suppressing of these emotions will eventually result in breakdowns, mental illnesses etc.


One of the worst things about constantly being nice is the extreme pressure you feel to constantly maintain you image. It is damn hard work being on people’s good side at the expense of a negative feeling to spotlight that you are a saint. But it is hard work to keep that mask strapped on.


Because while you’re being a people pleaser you open yourself up to abuse. Bullies and other types of wondered people are drawn to you like bees are to honey. Have weak boundaries and low self-esteem and the insatiable desire to please makes you the perfect “use” and “abuse” target which ends up in a toxic cycle.


The really sad thing is, that most people keep so much of them locked inside that it is hard for you even to get drunk because all of your secrets and opinions usually come to the surface and I am all sure we can relate to this one. In other words, you no longer can control that built up behavior.


When you are a people pleaser no one actually knows the REAL you and unfortunately the loving and approval you seek from others often backfires, making you feel even more alone and disconnected than ever.


So how can you stop this, well I don’t condone the “F you” approach or everyone gets the middle finger, although sometimes it is needed, but one of the best books I have read is the Art of Not Giving a F**K and it could just put you on the right path.

And you know what I have learnt that if people don’t like the real you, it is probably because of their mishaps in their life, they are jealous, they want what you have and you know what, who care about them anyway.


I can honestly say, I have never wanted to be like anyone in my whole life. I have stood my own ground and been totally independent of what I have wanted to do always.


And if you don’t like it, too damn bad! Do you think I really give a F**K?

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